Fun Stuff
Hey, ya gotta
have a bit of fun every now and then, right? This page
is dedicated to silly stuff that happens from time to time
with my fellow liveaboards.
The Launching of Harriett
After an arduous adventure, be it a
day sail on the mighty St. Johns River or a 1,200 mile
round-trip voyage to Cuba, sailors in Jacksonville, Florida
know where to go for their grog and good times--Harry's
Seafood, Bar, and Grill. They understand us cruisers, and
our affinity for the happy hour prices. They never cease to
be amazed at how much half-price beer and wings can be
consumed by us motley sailors and our buxom women during a
5-hour window.
Since this family establishment is
slowly being transformed into a cruiser's hangout, we felt
it was appropriate to introduce a nautical motif. But what
to do? All of the traditional maritime watering hole
accoutrements are in use. We can't spare a ship's wheel,
dinghy oars, lanterns, or old line. We simply have no
kewl spare boat parts lying around!
One afternoon, after several
drinks, we began to wonder how we could ever create a
nautical atmosphere without biting into our cruising
kitties. After discussing the lack of funds and the
bartender's incessant ranting about wanting a ship's wheel
to hang behind the bottles of gin and vodka, I noticed my
friend Jon Duffett twirling a bottle cap in his fingers. I
grabbed it from him, and in very slurred speech, announced
that THIS could be a ship's wheel! Ha, HA! Chris, the
bartender who doesn't sail, looked at me doubtfully.
I explained to him that one time
while sailing off the coast of St. Augustine, the ship's
wheel on my boat was bitten off by a huge flying shark.
Fortunately, I had beer bottles down below and simply popped
the top off one and welded the cap to where the wheel had
been. True, it wasn't as big as the wheel the shark had
claimed, but it allowed me to steer with my fingertips.
He gave me an incredulous look, but
it sparked an idea--a bottle cap for a ship's wheel! And if
one can use a bottle cap for a wheel, then how about
drinking straws for a mast? Maybe swizzle sticks for ribs
and spreaders? Tear a sail? All you need is a napkin
from the bar! Forget fiberglass for the hull--newspaper
works just fine! We were on a roll!
Thus was hatched the materials list
for a new breed of sailboat using only the materials
available from the bar at Harry's. No expensive trip to West
Marine for us! This was to be the ultimate sailing creation
ever conceived and constructed by two drunken cruisers in a
single afternoon. Lloyd's of London guidelines be damned!
And so, design and construction
began (concurrently). Harry regulars watched in disbelief as
we laid the keel with two joined straws. The gunwhales were
shaped with even more straws and joined together with a bit
of Scotch tape that had been conveniently left at the bar by
a landlubber patron. Ribs were shaped with red swizzle
sticks to give the hull her shear. Lots of eyes glared at us
from around the bar. Taking a drink, pointing with their
noses, and laughing at our endeavors. "What the hell are
they doing? The fools!" their eyes glared at us.
It wasn't long, though, before our
creation had the form of a hull. The laughter died down as
soon as we stepped the mast. Then the unwanted advice of a
dozen landlubbers began.
Hour upon hour of shaving straws to
precise lengths, cutting newspaper to form the hull, and
drinking countless gallons of the cheapest beer in Harry's
offering finally produced a suitable boat. She's sloop
rigged, draws 3", has an LOA of 16", and a beam of 4". She
displaces nearly two full ounces.
The next morning, we were somewhat
appalled by some of the minor flaws that had not been
apparent the day before in the dim lighting of the bar. What
we thought had been a true shear line the day before was
later judged by a journeyman shipwright as being "a bit
awkward." We didn't include any running rigging in the
design. We also forgot to make a companionway, so the cabin
is totally inaccessible. Most surprising, upon sea trials,
we learned that she doesn't sail well to windward.
Perhaps you think that your
cruising pals can do a better job. The crew at Harry's
hereby issues a formal challenge. Gather your friends at
your favorite watering hole and, using only the things
available at the bar, construct a sailboat of your own! Take
photographs and send them to
Bob Bitchin' of
Latitudes and Attitudes Magazine. If he judges your craft to
be more seaworthy and aesthetically appealing, then our crew
will buy your crew a round of beer the next time you visit
Harry's in Jacksonville.
Please
drop me a line at:
robert@sleepingwithoars.com
©
2007 by Robert Doty
